Dr. Rocky's Health Corner
Parents, we are leaving up this very important Dr. Rocky column again this week. We have several classes in which learning is being prevented due to an uptick in student behaviors- specifically how students deal with frustration, stamina and the word "no".
Please take a moment to read this if you haven't already.
Setting Boundaries at Home and Preventing Anxiety
What does setting boundaries at home and anxiety have in common?
Many gentle parenting experts and resources promised that gentle parenting would prevent adolescent anxiety. Unfortunately, that is not the situation our students find themselves in. Research has shown that 12-year-olds are the most anxious generation on record.
Many parents chose gentle parenting to give their children the emotional security they did not get. There are many parts of gentle parenting that are worth keeping. Connecting with your children, welcoming feelings, eliminating shame-based discipline, and not using coercion are all ideas that help children grow emotionally. New research has shown that with some gentle parenting practices, many things children need are accidentally removed - mainly adult authority. Children need a stable adult in the room whose decisions land as facts - parents, grandparents, babysitters, teachers, coaches, etc. It is important to note that authoritarian and authority are NOT the same.
A child who is missing authority may produce anxiety because a child without real authority in the room is a child running the room themselves. While it sounds like freedom, because children do not have the executive functioning to run a room, it can be terrifying for their nervous system; chaos and anxiety may develop.
An anxious child is actually processing exhaustion from being a decision-maker in their household. They become overwhelmed with never knowing where the actual limits are because they move with each of their feelings. The uncertainty of never being able to relax, under a trusted adult providing structure, is the anxiety parents and schools are seeing.
What should parents add to gentle parenting? Warmth stays, but structure returns. Keep validating feelings and listening to your children when they are upset. As the trusted adult, do not ask for permission for decisions such as bedtimes, dinner, chores, and behavior expectations. The hard part is to do both of these at the same time and be patient, as behaviors do not change overnight.
If you are interested in more information and actual steps to use, click here (This is not an endorsement or a recommendation to purchase the book.)
Prior Dr. Rocky Topics (click on title)
How to Help Kids Talk About Learning Differences
